Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Still dying that you shit outside
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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