Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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