Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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