Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
