You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
