were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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