He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
50% drunk capacity currently
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
