The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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