I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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