She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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