Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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