Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
