Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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