we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my liver is dry heaving
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
