Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
