I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
