successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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