she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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