Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
