Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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