Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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