I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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