why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
