so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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