im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
