I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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