I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
4 words: hood of his car
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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