yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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