I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize