On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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