I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
