Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
