Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
