Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
