i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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