can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
