At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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