i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
