I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
