now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
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