I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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