Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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