Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
