I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you had me at cake vodka
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
