WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
