The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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