yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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