she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
