What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
