i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
