What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
