thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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