i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
