From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize