I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
