At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
