i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
