I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
