No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
