you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and she was petting her beer can
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
