Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
