so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
