6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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