She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
