lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize