You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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